well its been a long time since ive been on this thing..

well to the point

ive been feeling like a victim of the

"falling sober a thousand times over"

dream

(speaking metaphorically....or would it be a simile?.....w/e)

i just dont know why i feel so sad and lost

its like ive been locked into some state of self aggravation

i cant write songs, or poems, and the last senario/screen short i wrote i didnt like to much, and anyways i lost it

(i guess thats what i get for writing it on notecards)

i cant draw, i tried yesterday and it looked like a five year

was taking vengance on an innocent peice of paper.

its like my emotions are blank verse

and what makes it worse is i have a small problem...

candice + communication x immature friends  = unable to express relizations/hypothesis

                                          (no offence you guys)

i love all of you but sometimes i get those

40 yr old trapped in 14 yr old moments

and i know some of you  find it appaling for me to tye my own shoes.

like miss oconnor said

"wow! candice saying something smart! thats something unheard of"

back to the point

the fact that i just dont know whats wrong wtih me isnt much help

all i know is that i feel as tho my emotions were stolen away and hidden in a box with a lock

i just feel like somethings wrong...

i need to workout more......

this summer im going to go crazy and go climb trees and stuff

and im going to try and dye my hair black with white bangs...

and try and get purple contacts,

wont that kik major fat burnin ass?

( i think so....)

well i am out ma crackas,

i feel like a monkey in a banana cream pie factory on a friday.

so off to ddr i gooooo!!!!!!!!!!

sufjan stevens - casimir pulaski day

Golden rod and the 4-H stone
The things I brought you
When I found out you had cancer of the bone

Your father cried on the telephone
And he drove his car to the Navy yard
Just to prove that he was sorry

In the morning through the window shade
When the light pressed up against your shoulder blade
I could see what you were reading

Oh the glory that the lord has made
And the complications you could do without
When I kissed you on the mouth

Tuesday night at the bible study
We lift our hands and pray over your body
But nothing ever happens

I remember at Michael's house
In the living room when you kissed my neck
And I almost touched your blouse

In the morning at the top of the stairs
When your father found out what we did that night
And you told me you were scared

Oh the glory when you ran outside
With your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied
And you told me not to follow you

Sunday night when I cleaned the house
I find the card where you wrote it out
With the pictures of your mother

On the floor at the great divide
With my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied
I am crying in the bathroom

In the morning when you finally go
And the nurse runs in with her head hung low
And the cardinal hits the window

In the morning in the winter shade
On the first of March on the holiday
I thought I saw you breathing

Oh the glory that the lord has made
And the complications when I see his face
In the morning in the window

Oh the glory when he took our place
But he took my shoulders and he shook my face
And he takes and he takes and he takes

listen to it, its a good song, its calming, makes you feel at peace for some strange reason

just............ humbled i dont know how to explain it,

it might not have the same effect on you like it has me, but still listen to it.

i <3 silent drive....

there rad, i need to get kill hannah and their cd.....

if only i had some money in ma pocket                      

(i love this little guy , im going to call him wimble... and i will put him on all of my entries!!!)

                /

              /

            v

i felt really depressed today... i miss my childhood, my old friends, the innocence and nonchalant

days we used to live.... so i got a small stroke of inspiration...

but depressing inspiration, but as i may say

"the best of work is the work with emotion.."

fall down and then...

cant get up again....

cant surrender to the helpless innocence..

they wont let down the ignorance

they wont admit to the senceless lies,

to compulsive fears,

 to the others who are wise..

 admit for once i have a point....

i have a perspective

 i have that 1 simple answer that will dissapoint.....

"in the end.....we eventually all just die......."